We know that all of you are tired of hearing the words “unprecedented” and “uncertainties” over and over again. So are we. But then, it doesn't change the fact that these are unprecedented times(there we go) and there is still a long way to go ahead. In fact, we might just be in the thick of the whole thing right now.
There isn't just one thought to point but it is like a mash-up of everything around us. Today, we want to share this nameless feeling with you. Because, we know that this struggle is something that all of us are in together but don’t speak about a lot. It is probably something that unites us closer than ever before, ironically while physically distancing us. Above all, we want to share this because you are family. Read on about our rain, shine and the beautiful rainbow(big reveal there!).
So, here are our thoughts (well, atleast what we could collate and make sense of)-
Doubts, self-expectations and low productivity:
We don’t know when this feeling crept in, but each day of the lockdown, we felt some invisible force constantly pushing us to do more, plan more, make the most of the time and be more productive. It is absurd. The lockdown is about survival, we know that. Yet, this feeling of insufficient productivity had us in its grip. We wanted to come up with some new idea, some epiphany. We don’t know why we felt this way.
On some days, especially in the initial weeks and after Amphan, we have had days when there were ten things on our to-do list yet we couldn’t finish even one. Many days felt like we were in a limbo where all our energies would be eaten up by our minds churning thought after thought.There were good days too, where we would sort out our worries, write pointers to act on and get to work.
But, the bad days were really bad too:
What made us feel worse was that when we were not productive, we were not spending family time either, we were not helping out with household chores either. We were usually just slogging in a corner, overthinking. We just did not have the energy to do anything else on such days. And again, there was so much guilt because of this and the guilt blanketed our nights.
Business as unusual:
All the anxieties and guilt that we spoke about till now is only the background score. The main picture was and is Suta. Keeping our business afloat remains a big challenge. Our weavers haven’t been able to work, our vendors are struggling, our production is not happening, deliveries were halted, orders dropped drastically. It has spelt doom for our business and our focus has been mainly to make payments for weavers, vendors and our team albeit with very little money in our hand.
Apart from the money issues, there are issues with our employees as well because they have their own struggles and some are not ready to take up as much work as required now.
It feels tough to manage these challenges without a mentor who can guide us. We don’t have that businessman uncle or that entrepreneur cousin who can guide us or even discuss issues with us. It has been just us, using our reasoning and research to get through difficulties. Many times, people ask us questions about our business thinking that we know everything. That is not true. We are finding our way in the dark every moment and it is scary a lot of times.
But, we have added ‘smiling’ to our to-do list and put up a brave face in front of family- at home and at Suta. We try!
Toddler run and the big surprise!
Ram has entered his terrible twos and he is growing up so fast. There are so many changes in his body and mind and he constantly requires our attention. This has been difficult with everything else that is going on. Running around him has us exhausted and when we leave him with others in the house as we work, guilt takes over and makes us feel terrible. It is again a very difficult cycle to deal with.
Well, the blog has turned out to be quite long. So, here is a big reveal to reward your patience - Ta is pregnant!
We got to know the wonderful news just before the lockdown and it has been a rollercoaster of its own! Yes, the news is super awesome, but Ta is facing a whole new journey with changes in her body, hormonal issues and nausea while all the others in the house find ways to deal with it.
The bad things we have said about the experience are not complaints and neither are the good things celebrations. These are plain facts, the truth. If you are feeling strange just like we are, we stand with you. We believe that speaking about it can bring us together and this is our way of reaching out to you to say that it is okay.
We send love to each one of you. Take care till we meet again darlings!