The beauty and havoc of the mind

On some days I feel like an angel – the most beautiful one on earth. And no, without looking into a mirror. My mind feels clear of all doubts and assumptions, of all insecurities and embarrassments, of all things that are capable of pulling a person down. Oh how beautiful I feel on such days! Ready to accept even the cruelest of hurtful comments with empathy, prepared to give back only love and understanding in return. I write, I sing, I dance – I feel the overwhelming flow of passion and enthusiasm. My body lighter than the air I breathe, and the air I breathe in fresher and crisper than I’ve ever felt before! Life seems good.

Then there are other days when things don’t look so good, the sunlight enters the room as usual but refuses to enter into my mind and brighten up its thoughts. The day lacks purpose. To make matters worse, I feel like the ugliest creature that ever walked this earth! It’s not the ones around me that seem to hurt me but my own mind that turns against me. I try but I fail to see any beauty in anything that looked magnificent just a few hours ago. I feel the weight of duty, responsibility, stress, judgments and most of all – the glaring intensity of the mundane! A cycle I get sucked into and stuck, I feel angry and unloved, I feel less loving to the people who do love me, I scream inside, unable to find a way out, to remember the good. Life sucks.

I kid you not, those are the days that get you into contemplating your whole existence and makes you question, “Who am I, really?” I am not my messy, unruly or well-maintained, glamorous hair, I am not my petite, pretty or tall, noticeable figure, I am not my cute tiny or distinctly bold eyes, I am not my meek or wide-mouthed smile! Yes, I love my body but why can’t I define or control my happiness and self-worth with that? Why do I constantly feel my mind taking over it, reminding me time and again that it is more powerful than I ever imagined and gave it credit for? The mind. The mighty space within ourselves that we often forget to nourish and nurture, so it decides to teach us a lesson. The one place that’s entirely our own where we keep coming back to fill the void we feel outside of it. The place where we have umpteen conversations with ourselves and the only place where those conversations can make us kind and compassionate and truly beautiful! So, in desperate need of attention and love, I crawl back into my mind space. Frantically I look for beauty in little things and joy in what I have. At that incredible moment, the mind doesn’t disappoint me. It gives me back control, it shows me the way and slowly I feel the touch of warm sunrays on my skin. They were always there waiting to be felt, to be discovered, to be appreciated. I finally look into the mirror and I smile. Oh! I am beautiful once again, I whisper.....